oops

ladies and gents, perpare to hear me bitch. i fell asleep with my white strips on, which means i bleached my teeth for... TWO HOURS AND TEN MINUTES!!! i fully expect my teeth to fall out when by the time i wake up orrr my teeth to be so sensitive that i cant eat. FUUUCCCKK im retarded...



but i have white teeth? ish?

correction

[Dumbass] is the victim of a backpack fashion faux-pas (?). There's a girl in her gov 312 class that has the exact same design, same colored polka dots and all. Oh no!

dear Dumbass,
the faux pas you are committing is owning a polka dotted back pack past the 7th grade. you are a senior at a prestigious university, there is no need to make your facebook status about your tacky backpack.

no love,
nouns.

ps: i know i'm just as gay for blogging about it.

further proof that i am shallow and selfish

today i found myself lost in a text fest with my step dad. usually i shy away from any and all communication with him since we are both incredibly stubborn and usually wrong (makes for an interesting argument, trust). about 30 minutes into the conversation i realize that i'm just talking to him so he will

a) buy me a vacation of sorts (new york or vegas for new years?!)
b) send money for my birthday
c) tell my mom to do a. or b.

another 10 minutes into the conversation i realize that we are only discussing the differences in weather between texas and pennsylvania and abruptly end the conversation by saying, "i dont know how i feel about beer and chocolate together" (not sure how that ended it, but it did)

am i really this shallow and selfish? the answer is no. he is a STEP parent so i'm only half as shallow and selfish as one might think... BA-ZING

UPDATE: he offered to pay for my hotel room for a vacation of my choice. I WIN! i'm not shallow OR selfish, just really fucking smart.

I Should Probably Act More Mature

This weekend's "To Do" list: (yes, I make TONS of lists)
1. Clean room
2. Do Laundry
3. Reorganize Closet
4. Work out
5. Give up drinking beer
5. Go to the grocery store
6. Pay bills
7. Go to church

This weekend's "Acutally Done" list:
1. Throw clothes all over my room in a wasted attempt to find an outfit that fits (due to the lack of the aforementioned #4)
2. Get dressed to go to the gym and instead go to brunch with the Vandy Boys and Boat Party.
3. Buy handle of Tito's to prevent me from drinking beer
4. Go to Boat Party's and have a beer; go to Watch Out Friends', have 3 beers; go to a bar, have 2 more beers. (there was vodka in there too but that was all within the guidelines)
5. Make a certain mistake that the Vandy Boys will not let me live down
6. Have a waiter give me a frightened look bc everytime he walks by I say something really appropriate like "titty fuck"
7. Buy $400 in dresses for my birthweekend.

Texas Fight

I am kind of dissapointed that my first college football game of the year is going to be a Texas A&M game. But I guess that's what I get for working with aggies, and dating one. As my own personal rebellion, however, I will be wearing a burnt orange thong. That way I won't be heckled by male cheerleaders with crew cuts for wearing my school colors to their game, but I will still know where my allegiance lies.

So that's where I will be this weekend; with Mr. Wonderful in hick town College Station. We already have the Franzia on ice so its ready to go. Wish me luck.

Too Bad Intern Struck Out Last Night.

I just want to relay a conversation to you all that took place yesterday between our new intern and Stand Up Sid.

Background: A partner in our firm was having us fill in on his softball team that night. And I can't stand Stand Up Sid.

Stand Up Sid: I'm totally going to hit a home run.
Intern: Have you ever hit one?
SUS: No.
Intern: Well hitting one in slow pitch softball is way harder than in baseball.
SUS: I'm strong and athletic, that should help.
Intern: Too bad being a douche won't help, other wise you would hit a home run for sure.

reasons i live in the south.

i am currently in milwaukee... scratch that... a suburb of milwaukee. it fucking sucks. here are the low-lights of my trip.

1. the most noteworthy news is that a kid in the mall here beat someone up for telling him he looks like a jonas brother.
2. people talk so fucking fast here that i cant understand them
3. if i hear someone call a coke "pop" one more time im going to kill them
4. i paid $11.95 for a cup of yogurt for breakfast
5. everytime i walk into the conference room, the whole crowd says "DAALLLAASSS" like its my fucking name
6. i gained like 10 pounds from going out to eat for every meal. sick.