The Vatican has just released this new list of additional deadly sins, because, hey, the first 7 just weren't judgey enough:
1.Polluting
2. Genetic engineering
3. Being obscenely rich
4. Drug dealing
5. Abortion
6. Pedophilia
7. Causing social injustice
Now, I'm fairly certain that the Pope was either drunk, or dared to make this new list. Which is fine, what good story doesn't start with "So the Pope and I had a couple of boilermakers, then you'll never guess what happened..." But come on sir, Polluting? I'm pretty sure that that funny little pope-mobile you drive around in emits SOME sort of pollutants. So there, you just condemned yourself. Way to go asshole.
My second favorite is being obscenely rich because that is just an obvious shot at Donald Trump. "What's that Trump, you say your wig is better than mine? Well get this! You are going to hell! HA!"
Seriously though, I wonder what got the Catholic curch all riled up? I think I'm going to write a strongly worded letter suggesting that they scratch that shit they just released and add this stuff instead:
1. Talking too loud when I have a hangover
2. Being a cast memeber of The Hills
3. Wearing a shirt when you are a hot man
4. Using the word "Canoodling"
5. Owning a cat
6. Saying anything negative about John Mayer
7. Blocking the booze aisle with your shopping cart while you and with your boyfriend debate who has a cuter nose on your cell phone while I'm just trying to get some damn wine so I can go home and get plastered while I watch the episode of Gilmore Girls I tivoed last night.
On second thought, the chick that I was thinking of when I wrote # 7 was already committing #1, and honestly probably #4 and #5, so I changed my mind.
7. Giving your kids a pair of those damn roller skate shoes then setting them free in Marshalls.
I'm really good at this. I should invent a new religion - I'm gonna work on that tonight. That or get drunk. We shall see my friend, we shall see.
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