To the Gorgeous Man on the 39th Floor

I saw you two consecutive mornings last week. You are gorgeous, and both of those days were better for having shared 15 seconds in the elevator with you. I vowed that if I saw you again I would tell you that I want to make out with your face and you would instantly realize that you would like me to have your babies.
Well, coming back from lunch, there you were standing in our elevator bank. However, I was with Stand Up Sid and a recruit, and you were with 5 other coworkers. So I didn't feel that I could profess my love for you in an elevator packed with seven other men.
Hopefully, some day soon, we can ride the elevator alone. Let's hope we don't have security cameras in our elevators because I don't think I will be able to contain myself.
Here's Hoping,
Your Schoolgirl Crush on the 36th Floor

Actual Text Message From My Acutal Inbox

November 14, 2008 3:25:20 AM

Please foot forget to call of u endu of here taking granandes.

employee of the month.

this morning someone brought by a card for me to sign for a co-worker's birthday. just as i finished writing, "51 huh? you're closer to 100 than you are to birth -nouns", i spill a whole fucking nalgene of water (and $0.25 ice) on my keyboard. awesome.
for the following two hours my keyboard just keeps typing random shit... mainly one certain letter. naturally, i try to pry that key off and clean underneath it. i finally get the key off, get the keyboard to work and get back to my real job (gchatting) when i realize... I RENDERED THAT KEY USELESS.

now i have no "ecks" key. and all i want to do is say words like: ne_t, e_pendable, and fi_.

UPDATE: said coworker chose to go to chipotle for her big bday lunch. CHIPOTLE. not only is that a FAST FOOD ESTABLISHMENT, but it is IN MY BUILDING. that is where i go when i'm feeling like a lazy shit and forgot my lunch. GAAAHHH

'04 and '05 were good years

It has been a week since the last time I saw my camera. I have come to the sad conclusion that it is lost forever. I got to thinking about what bad luck I have with things of value. Here is a list of my shortcomings.

Senior Prom, lost camera - drinking

Spring Break '06, lost diamond earrings - black out drunk

Halloween '07 6th street, lost wallet - drunk

April '08 6th street, lost iPhone - drunk

May '08 river trip, water logged camera - drinking

August '08 Pineapple Express, lost wallet - drunk

August '08 Wedding, camera dropped in Margarita - drinking

October '08 Maverick's game, lost camera - drinking

Not once have I lost something valuable sober. Huh, imagine that. Whelp, its off to buy another camera. I am thinking about purchasing some BestBuy stock to make some money off the business I give them. Because I am sure I won't be able to stop my camera cycle anytime soon, mainly because I don't plan on stopping drinking anytime soon.

Current Mood

Annoyed. Is it necessary to YELL (in what you consider a "funny" accent) WHILE YOU ARE ON THE PHONE WITH SOMEONE 2 CUBICLES AWAY?!?

ps: Watch Out Friends's new name is: Tech Guy, the name I gave him when we originally met, plus hes the only Texas Tech fan in the Urban Fam so it fits.

You are welcome.

Truth in Latin

Stand Up Sid might just be good for something after all!

Our company has an outing next Friday. During the day we get to choose a round of golf or spa day. Then that night we have a cocktail hour and dinner at the House of Blues. To the later portion of the evening we get to bring a spouse/date/guest.

Mr. Wonderful was supposed to be my date...at least that was the plan. His friend bought him a plane ticket to St. Louis for the same weekend, which landed me dateless.

I am pretty good at turning a negative into a positive. I decided this would be a chance for me to take a new boy out.

I thought about bringing Ball Boy. I met him at the pool over the summer, and saw him again at the Strong Drinks Bar a few weekends back. Free booze and a good dinner, what boy would turn that down? But then I realized my choice in date reflects on me to my whole company, and I don't know how confident I am in his social behaviors.

I then turned to Stand Up Sid. He had a barbeque a few months back where I met an attractive friend of his who is up here in Dental School. I don't think I talked to him at all at the barbque; we left pretty early to go out to have dinner at Shoulders' Aunt's house. But that didn't stop me from asking SUS to see if The Dentist would come as my date to our company outing. It makes it easier too that he knows SUS so he won't feel completely out of place at the dinner.

Supposedly Dental school is really hard and they study 6 days a week. Which is so twisted. I can't imagine doing any sort of studying right now. SUS has called him to see if he would be willing to use his one night off a week on me. We are supposed to get the verdict today.

Wednesday's Morsel of Wisdom

If you avoid looking at your bank account and bills for over month, you will forget to pay rent and be over due on your car and credit card payments.

15 minutes!

Another thing I did today is google what the PJ I named my PJ after stands for.

Penelope Jane.

It isn't horrible, and at least now I have two different answer choices to give when faced with the question "What does your dog's name stand for?"

I still like "Paula Jabdul" for my answer, but it will be nice to have a back up.

36 minutes!

The day started off busy with two calls from my boss who is in Chicago with the lawyers before I had even gotten into the office. It was a little unnerving, but we got through it. It only took us about two hours to handle what he needed.


Then I found out that the other case I had been working on settled. This was a curse and a blessing. I was glad I didn't have to look at the plans more than the 13 hours I already had, but that was the only project on my agenda. So I was left with nothing to do.

Here is how I have spent my large number of unbillable hours so far today....


Checking Perez every 5-10 minutes for new posts.
Checking D-Listed every 15-20 minutes.
Playing Scrabble on Facebook with a coworker of mine who's last day is today, so after she leaves I really will be in desperate need of work.
Reading Overheardinnewyork.com (today are the Wednesday One Liners, my favorite)
Facebook stalking.
Texting HD.
Myspace stalking my half brothers.
Counting down the minutes until a Smoothie King break at 3:45. (Its Double Stamp Thursday)
Getting my work email on my iPhone - because obviously I get sooo much work email...
Figuring out when and where Drummer is playing next.
Clicking to my work email anytime anyone walks by my cube so that it looks like I am "working."

So all in a very exciting day.

Get Your Grades Up.

This weekend I made a brave trip to Lubbock, Texas with Watch Out Friends (who has put in a request for a name change that I'm still working on) and Boat Party. It was pretty much everything I expected (flat, dusty, and full of drunks, myself included).

Here are some highlights from our trip:
-Boat Party learned that there are few sins greater than chugging my only Boone's Farm Fuzzy Navel while I painstakingly make a 6 hour drive (yes, I got conned into driving)

-I did not go to sleep sober or before 4:30 AM the entire trip.

-Friday morning at breakfast, some kind gentleman gave our table $50 because Boat Party and I were wearing burnt orange.

-Halloween was a very long night that ended with Boat Party wandering around "downtown" (if you can call it that) Lubbock crying in a nurse costume with no cell phone.

-I spent all morning listening to 5 guys talk about "I did this to this slut" and "Let me describe LemmonParty.com/Goatsee.com/Meatspin.com/Two Girls One Cup in great detail" but when Boat Party asked for a band aid because she had a blister, Watch Out Friends decided that was WAY too disgusting to talk about.

-I made the mistake of introducing the Lubbock-ians to the concept of Party Butt.

-I lost a bet on the UT football game that involved me taking 5 shots of vodka. Luckily, Watch Out Friends either has a really big heart or really didn't want to put up with drunk Nouns (I'll go with the latter) and let me off with 3.

-Some dude in a bar with no affiliation with UT, Tech, or Lubbock used "How do you feel about the JFK assassination?" as a pick up line and then licked my face when I said "Nobama Nobama Nobama". We are now engaged.

-After what can only be described as 10 hours of binge drinking (God bless Daylight Savings Time), I tell Boat Party she is too drunk to drive my car, offend the living shit out of her, and hand my keys to the drunkest person in the room so that he can drive my car 90mph in a 30 while I scream "PULL OVER! STOP THE CAR!" at the top of my lungs. (I think that guy hates me now).

-Somehow even though 6 people came home with us I wake up to find it is only me and Boat Party. All of the Lubbock-ians somehow magically got home and Watch Out Friends disappeared and shacked up at some undisclosed location.

-Watch Out Friends left his esophagus somewhere in Lubbock.

-I came home with what must be Tuberculosis so I can't stop coughing and last night I had the worst NyQuil Nightmare involving the loss of my teeth, dead Urban Family members, and a lack of ketchup.

Needless to say the trip was sheer entertainment and my liver is on strike for at least a week.

False Advertising.

I sat down today to enjoy my Campbell's Select Harvest Southwestern Veggie Soup and found nothing but disappointment. While the label shows a spoon full of corn and black beans and tomatoes, my can contained about 2 corn kernels, 5 black beans and about 1,600 effing carrots.