Get Your Grades Up.

This weekend I made a brave trip to Lubbock, Texas with Watch Out Friends (who has put in a request for a name change that I'm still working on) and Boat Party. It was pretty much everything I expected (flat, dusty, and full of drunks, myself included).

Here are some highlights from our trip:
-Boat Party learned that there are few sins greater than chugging my only Boone's Farm Fuzzy Navel while I painstakingly make a 6 hour drive (yes, I got conned into driving)

-I did not go to sleep sober or before 4:30 AM the entire trip.

-Friday morning at breakfast, some kind gentleman gave our table $50 because Boat Party and I were wearing burnt orange.

-Halloween was a very long night that ended with Boat Party wandering around "downtown" (if you can call it that) Lubbock crying in a nurse costume with no cell phone.

-I spent all morning listening to 5 guys talk about "I did this to this slut" and "Let me describe LemmonParty.com/Goatsee.com/Meatspin.com/Two Girls One Cup in great detail" but when Boat Party asked for a band aid because she had a blister, Watch Out Friends decided that was WAY too disgusting to talk about.

-I made the mistake of introducing the Lubbock-ians to the concept of Party Butt.

-I lost a bet on the UT football game that involved me taking 5 shots of vodka. Luckily, Watch Out Friends either has a really big heart or really didn't want to put up with drunk Nouns (I'll go with the latter) and let me off with 3.

-Some dude in a bar with no affiliation with UT, Tech, or Lubbock used "How do you feel about the JFK assassination?" as a pick up line and then licked my face when I said "Nobama Nobama Nobama". We are now engaged.

-After what can only be described as 10 hours of binge drinking (God bless Daylight Savings Time), I tell Boat Party she is too drunk to drive my car, offend the living shit out of her, and hand my keys to the drunkest person in the room so that he can drive my car 90mph in a 30 while I scream "PULL OVER! STOP THE CAR!" at the top of my lungs. (I think that guy hates me now).

-Somehow even though 6 people came home with us I wake up to find it is only me and Boat Party. All of the Lubbock-ians somehow magically got home and Watch Out Friends disappeared and shacked up at some undisclosed location.

-Watch Out Friends left his esophagus somewhere in Lubbock.

-I came home with what must be Tuberculosis so I can't stop coughing and last night I had the worst NyQuil Nightmare involving the loss of my teeth, dead Urban Family members, and a lack of ketchup.

Needless to say the trip was sheer entertainment and my liver is on strike for at least a week.