Just as an FYI, I am wearing my "where did you get that dress?" Vegas dress. Things should get quite interesting tonight. I can promise that.
All of us girls who went out last night stayed with a different man.
In nouns' defense it was on WOF's couch. And in Boat Party's her and one of the Vandy Boys both slept in all of their clothes.
But Shoulders and I, well we have no defense besides booze. But I have never needed an excuse for anything I have done. So there you go.
The white party is getting started. If you read this and you aren't coming. Sucks for you. You are going to miss an amazing evening. Losers.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
breath of fresh mess
last night was somehoe (typo, i'm leaving it) simultaneously the classiest and unclassiest night of my life.
after night of drinking at our usual spots, i decide i want to go to a strip club. i'm under the disillusion that everyone is coming until i pay 53 bucks for a cab ride and find out its just me watch out friends and the photographer. i paid another 25 to get in i dont REALLY know what happened inside, but here's what i can piece together.
1. a stripper stole my diet coke forcing me to pay 18 bucks for a replacement.
2. a stripper not only licked my boobs, but got her lady juices on my very expensive birthdress and slapped me when i asked why she had a bandana covering her face
3. i walked (without falling, i think) to watch out friends' apt bc i apparently dont travel with keys
4. i did NOT hook up with watch out friends (miraculous, i know)
5. watch out friends' roommate found me on the couch and the only sentence i could muster was "a stripper licked me, i'm walking home"
5. i walked home barefoot in my lady juice covered birthdress through a fucking festival AND a concert
my mom and grandparents are about 25 minutes away from my apartment, i'm kind of hoping they don't smell my lack of dignity.
after night of drinking at our usual spots, i decide i want to go to a strip club. i'm under the disillusion that everyone is coming until i pay 53 bucks for a cab ride and find out its just me watch out friends and the photographer. i paid another 25 to get in i dont REALLY know what happened inside, but here's what i can piece together.
1. a stripper stole my diet coke forcing me to pay 18 bucks for a replacement.
2. a stripper not only licked my boobs, but got her lady juices on my very expensive birthdress and slapped me when i asked why she had a bandana covering her face
3. i walked (without falling, i think) to watch out friends' apt bc i apparently dont travel with keys
4. i did NOT hook up with watch out friends (miraculous, i know)
5. watch out friends' roommate found me on the couch and the only sentence i could muster was "a stripper licked me, i'm walking home"
5. i walked home barefoot in my lady juice covered birthdress through a fucking festival AND a concert
my mom and grandparents are about 25 minutes away from my apartment, i'm kind of hoping they don't smell my lack of dignity.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Carosel of a day
Friday was full of ups and downs.
Down - woke up incredibly hungover from our company supported booze fest the night before. We had no milk, I really really need to go to the grocery store, so I ate a PB and J.
Up - No one was in the office all morning, so I didn't have to deal with anyone while my head pounded.
Down - Stand up Sid rolled in at 10:30.
Up - Went and got greasy Mexican food for lunch.
Down - Ate way too much.
Up - Got back to the office and my boss told me the big job we have been working on is going into mediation and it may settle. Which means the whole case from hell might vanish.
Down - A coworker comes by and tells me that there's no way in hell this thing will actually settle.
Up - Stand Up Sid finally got what was coming to him. Now he is on the boss' shit list. And I love it.
Down - Still had a pounding headache.
Up - Called the woman who does my nails and she fit me in for a pedicure after work.
Down - Got a parking ticket while I was receiving that pedicure.
Up - Finally getting to enjoy a weekend with my friends in Dallas!
Down - woke up incredibly hungover from our company supported booze fest the night before. We had no milk, I really really need to go to the grocery store, so I ate a PB and J.
Up - No one was in the office all morning, so I didn't have to deal with anyone while my head pounded.
Down - Stand up Sid rolled in at 10:30.
Up - Went and got greasy Mexican food for lunch.
Down - Ate way too much.
Up - Got back to the office and my boss told me the big job we have been working on is going into mediation and it may settle. Which means the whole case from hell might vanish.
Down - A coworker comes by and tells me that there's no way in hell this thing will actually settle.
Up - Stand Up Sid finally got what was coming to him. Now he is on the boss' shit list. And I love it.
Down - Still had a pounding headache.
Up - Called the woman who does my nails and she fit me in for a pedicure after work.
Down - Got a parking ticket while I was receiving that pedicure.
Up - Finally getting to enjoy a weekend with my friends in Dallas!
three strikes and you're out
last night boat party "talked" me into going to a hockey game with some dude she met at a bar and his friend. clearly i agreed, it sounded like there might be free booze involved. then i realized (slash everyone informed me) that i was really going on a blind double date. YIPES
after the first period we go to get beers. i order a beer and boat party's 'date' pays for it? (i tried to give him cash but i'm pretty sure the wadded up ones in the bottom of my purse gave him the impression i use food stamps.) anyways the lady rings him up for 3 beers and some chicken tenders. no one ordered chicken. i lean over to boat party and our 'dates' and say "wow do you have to be retarded to work here?" judging by the looks on their faces these two are either the co-founders of best buddies or have a sibling in the paralympics. strike one.
aside from that, things were going pretty well until.....
my 'date' asks "did you meet [insert generic male name] this weekend?" blank stare... i repeat the name a few times and then he points to the guy sitting next to boat party. FUCK. strike two.
then he caught a glimpse of a text message i sent to watch out friends. it says "yea i'm kinda disappointed we didn't make it on the kiss cam considering i'm already picking out our kids' names." i cant really tell if my 'date' thinks i really want to have kids with him, or i really don't want to be sitting next to him, either way he can't be feeling good. strike three. i am out.
ps: on an unrelated rant, today is my birthday and one of my lovely co-workers bought me a cake... however some OTHER lady in our office is under the impression that it is her cake. despite it saying "happy birthday [nouns]" on it she just marched into my office (read tiny cubicle) and said "i'm about to cut my birthday cake, do you want some?" bitch.
after the first period we go to get beers. i order a beer and boat party's 'date' pays for it? (i tried to give him cash but i'm pretty sure the wadded up ones in the bottom of my purse gave him the impression i use food stamps.) anyways the lady rings him up for 3 beers and some chicken tenders. no one ordered chicken. i lean over to boat party and our 'dates' and say "wow do you have to be retarded to work here?" judging by the looks on their faces these two are either the co-founders of best buddies or have a sibling in the paralympics. strike one.
aside from that, things were going pretty well until.....
my 'date' asks "did you meet [insert generic male name] this weekend?" blank stare... i repeat the name a few times and then he points to the guy sitting next to boat party. FUCK. strike two.
then he caught a glimpse of a text message i sent to watch out friends. it says "yea i'm kinda disappointed we didn't make it on the kiss cam considering i'm already picking out our kids' names." i cant really tell if my 'date' thinks i really want to have kids with him, or i really don't want to be sitting next to him, either way he can't be feeling good. strike three. i am out.
ps: on an unrelated rant, today is my birthday and one of my lovely co-workers bought me a cake... however some OTHER lady in our office is under the impression that it is her cake. despite it saying "happy birthday [nouns]" on it she just marched into my office (read tiny cubicle) and said "i'm about to cut my birthday cake, do you want some?" bitch.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
i know the economy is in bad shape... but?
my mom has completely lost it. shes driving up to dallas this weekend for my birthday and just sent me the following email:
I was looking to see if one of the angel food ministries was near you b/c they only open 1 sat a month…this sat. If there is one near you, maybe I (and you if you like) can get some food from them. It would be a shot in the dark, as you have to pre-order, but if they have leftovers they sell them to whoever is there wanting some. I attached the Sept menu…can you believe how much stuff you get for $30???
ummm hi mom, you are attempting to abuse a system meant for i don't know... REAL POOR PEOPLE!!! if she's actually trying to get me to stand in line at a food bank on a saturday after i make her pay for an expensive brunch with bottomless mimosas, bitch is mistaken.
I was looking to see if one of the angel food ministries was near you b/c they only open 1 sat a month…this sat. If there is one near you, maybe I (and you if you like) can get some food from them. It would be a shot in the dark, as you have to pre-order, but if they have leftovers they sell them to whoever is there wanting some. I attached the Sept menu…can you believe how much stuff you get for $30???
ummm hi mom, you are attempting to abuse a system meant for i don't know... REAL POOR PEOPLE!!! if she's actually trying to get me to stand in line at a food bank on a saturday after i make her pay for an expensive brunch with bottomless mimosas, bitch is mistaken.
oops
ladies and gents, perpare to hear me bitch. i fell asleep with my white strips on, which means i bleached my teeth for... TWO HOURS AND TEN MINUTES!!! i fully expect my teeth to fall out when by the time i wake up orrr my teeth to be so sensitive that i cant eat. FUUUCCCKK im retarded...
but i have white teeth? ish?
but i have white teeth? ish?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
correction
[Dumbass] is the victim of a backpack fashion faux-pas (?). There's a girl in her gov 312 class that has the exact same design, same colored polka dots and all. Oh no!
dear Dumbass,
the faux pas you are committing is owning a polka dotted back pack past the 7th grade. you are a senior at a prestigious university, there is no need to make your facebook status about your tacky backpack.
no love,
nouns.
ps: i know i'm just as gay for blogging about it.
dear Dumbass,
the faux pas you are committing is owning a polka dotted back pack past the 7th grade. you are a senior at a prestigious university, there is no need to make your facebook status about your tacky backpack.
no love,
nouns.
ps: i know i'm just as gay for blogging about it.
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