breath of fresh mess

last night was somehoe (typo, i'm leaving it) simultaneously the classiest and unclassiest night of my life.

after night of drinking at our usual spots, i decide i want to go to a strip club. i'm under the disillusion that everyone is coming until i pay 53 bucks for a cab ride and find out its just me watch out friends and the photographer. i paid another 25 to get in i dont REALLY know what happened inside, but here's what i can piece together.

1. a stripper stole my diet coke forcing me to pay 18 bucks for a replacement.
2. a stripper not only licked my boobs, but got her lady juices on my very expensive birthdress and slapped me when i asked why she had a bandana covering her face
3. i walked (without falling, i think) to watch out friends' apt bc i apparently dont travel with keys
4. i did NOT hook up with watch out friends (miraculous, i know)
5. watch out friends' roommate found me on the couch and the only sentence i could muster was "a stripper licked me, i'm walking home"
5. i walked home barefoot in my lady juice covered birthdress through a fucking festival AND a concert

my mom and grandparents are about 25 minutes away from my apartment, i'm kind of hoping they don't smell my lack of dignity.