Where's the wizard when you need him?

Mr. Wonderful had been out of town for four or five days for a funeral and got back in town yesterday.

I had some stuff to get done after work, but later that evening we hung out and caught up on some of our shows.

We had watched them at his house, and luckily his dog wasn't there to whine all night and keep me up. So I stayed over.

We were laying in bed with my head on his chest about to go to sleep. And I knew this was it. I have been wanting to figure out where we stand, and this was my time to ask him. I went over what I was going to say in my head trying to figure out how I was going to word it without seeming overly committed, but still making sure what I wanted would come across.

Last night, this is what I came up with in my head...

A few months ago, when this all started, we talked about how you had just gotten out of a serious relationship, and you had said how you wanted things to stay at the level they were at then. Its been two months or so now, and I just wanted to see where your head was at with everything. Like, for example, are we still dating other people?

And then he would reply with whatever he was thinking and I would finally know what was going on.

Once I had all of this semi set up in my head I heard his breathing get deeper. Shit.

"Are you asleep?"
"No."

Okay, I take a deep breath. Thank goodness he hadn't fallen asleep yet, I really wanted to get this off my chest. Then I think the falling asleep thing must have caught me off guard. And I ran through what I was going to say again. Then one more time to make sure I had all of my inflections at the right syllables, and then I hear Mr. Wonderful snore. Double shit.

I can't wake him up in order to have a relationship conversation when I was laying there for at least 5 minutes with him awake and said nothing.

So I totally blew it. Now I am going out of town tomorrow and I don't know if I will be able to see Mr. Wonderful before I leave. So its going to have to be another week before I can figure out what the hell is going on with us, because I don't want to do it over the phone.

I have no idea what my problem is. I can call dibs on a man who walks through the door of the bar and make it happen. I can make eyes at a guy across the bar and end up dating him. But when it comes to having an actual talk about relationship stuff, I can't do it. I am the most confident person in the world, except for when I have to take that first leap into defining a relationship.