How Sin City Confirmed I Have No Soul: Part 2

At this point, I should mention that I went downtown last night and poured various types and amounts of alcohol down my throat, so that pesky little thing we like to call "sobriety" is no longer a problem for me. However, I promised to relay my second favorite moment of our trip and so I shall!

ACT I

Setting: Tao Beach

A group of men from various parts of the country are having the "crunkest" time ever. Little do they know what awaits them.

ACT II

Setting: The hottest cabana at Bare where the Vodka is flowing like... well... free Vodka.

Several drinks are had, millions of pictures are taken, and the most stellar updo I have ever seen emerges. Good times were had by all. Little do we know what awaits us.

ACT III

Setting: The dance floor at Moon

A dear personal friend who will be referred to as "Guinea Pig" from here on out and I return from getting drinks to observe the scene. There is a big dance floor lined with tables and I see the tallest man I have ever seen in my life wearing a Vineyard Vines shirt. I immediately know that these are our people. GP and I stand around for awhile when we are joined by the rest of the group. The rest of the group positions themselves right next to these guys in a way that can only confirm... these are our people. I leave for the ladies room, and when I come back Venus grabs me.

VFS: "WE MET THESE GUYS, THEY WANT TO TAKE US TO BODY ENGLISH, THEY KNOW SOMEONE FAMOUS"

TSDL: "Okay"

(I don't do well with peer pressure)

She drags me over and I immediately realize, everyone is already buddied up. So I do the only logical thing, throw my straw over my shoulder and pour my drink straight down my throat. If there had been a faster way to get it in my system I would have done it. I always say, if you can't beat 'em... get hammered.

About this time, Venus starts to look a little like Amy Winehouse.... I'm beginning to think something is wrong. Then she does something ELSE I have never seen her do before and orders a WATER from the bar. Now I KNOW something is VERY wrong. We later found out she had food poisoning which is evidently nothing like mint poisoning.

I think it is important at this moment to give you a full picture of just who "Our People" are:

The Little Spoon: This guy has got to be at least 8 feet tall, sweating all over the place and bouncing around like a 12 year old watching his favorite Barney video - in a word, precious. And the only other thing I know about him is that his friends immediately told me "he has never had a girlfriend." Clearly, GP was all over that. His nickname is derived from the fact that later in the night he made GP be the big spoon HE WAS 8 FEET TALL.

Pierre: Pierre was VERY attractive, and also a douche. A combination often found in nature. Pierre's friends just kept asking him "why did you do your hair like that?" Spawning the catch phrase "Pierre's Hair." Venus was originally on top of that shit until food poisoning made her its bitch and she had to go home.

The Suckiest Guy I've EVER Met: This guy was definitively the suckiest guy I have ever met.

He was in Vegas, not drinking, standing around and pouting. I stumbled over and said "Do you ever have a good time" his answer was quite predictably "No."

Then for good measure throw in a guido and some guy in a blazer.

This brings us to the climax. (I love when that happens)

There is one of "Our People" I have yet to describe. I call him Dibbs, some call him Pooh Bear. Dibbs was a really nice guy, fun to talk to (although in all fairness when the Vodka kicks in there are very few people I don't enjoy talking to), and bought me 2 drinks so he is automatically okay in my book. However, he was rather unfortunate looking. If I had to describe him physically in 10 words all 10 would be "bug-eyed." As I mentioned before, everyone was paired up and I was disinterested in any of them because my date for the evening (booze) was treating me well.

We decide to take a limo to Body English - I'm taking pictures all over the place in the limo and generally having a good time. I lean in for a picture with Dibbs then lean over to take a picture with NounsAboutMe when it happens.

Nouns grabs my arm with surprising force and a look in her eyes that says "I kill puppies for fun in front of small children" and says:

"THAT ONE IS MINE, DON'T EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT"

Did I mention this guy looks like a goldfish? Oh Vodka, the silly things you make us do.

I can't really judge her though, I later stumbled up to a complete stranger and said something to the effect of "Hey you take me home now." Thus is my life.