Reasons Why I Love My Sister-In-Law

I guess I need to give a little backstory here for people to understand. My brother (here referred to as "The Asshole") is an asshole. In addition, he is a pathalogical liar. So one day I get this phone call:

The Asshole: Hey I got married today
Me: Shut up asshole
The Asshole: No seriously, I got married today. Her name is [Way Too Good For My Asshole Bother]. Call The Geek (my other brother) and ask him. I really got married.

He had only been dating this girl for a couple of months and I had no reason to believe he was telling me the truth. The conversation went on like that for about 15 minutes at which point I hung up on him and called not only The Geek, but also my Dad. The Asshole didn't want to tell my mom (Crazylady) for fear of an exorcism. Anyway.... as it turns out [Way Too Good For My Asshole Brother] ended up being WAY cooler than anticipated and way too good for my asshole brother.

Today she sends me this email:

"Hi everyone! I can't believe it, but it's finally here! [The Ginger] (my niece) is turning one! Wow! It has gone by so fast! We are going to have a small family get-together this Sunday at 2pm at our house. [The Ginger] would be so happy if you came and helped her celebrate her first birthday! Hope to see you there!"

Normally the words "family" and "Sunday" make me naseous because I associate both with needing to be being REALLY drunk or being REALLY hung over. But, as I said, [Way Too Good For My Asshole Brother] is really cool and I would love to go hang out with her. Unfortunately (or fortunately really) I will be in Las Vegas with the other drunks that write this blog. So I replied:

"Wish I could be there! I'll be in vegas, and probably drunk at that exact moment. But give [The Ginger] a big birthday hug and kiss for me! Take lots of cake pictures... those are always the funniest!"

Now at this point, my other sister-in-law's (we'll call her the Drama Teacher) reaction would be to somehow backhandedly call me a lush (which I am) and tell me I have poor hygine (which I sometimes do). Then she would try to make me feel extremely guilty. The Crazylady would have just dropped to her knees on the spot and had a little chat with the big guy upstairs about my sinful ways. What does [Way Too Good For My Asshole Brother] have to say?

"Wow, that's so not fair! Drink one for me and try to win some money if your sober enough to find the craps table! I'll send you some pics!"

Case in point.