I'm living in a "hotel" in Dallas alone, I have $1.16 in my checking account, and I haven't had a drop of booze since last Wednesday. This explains why these are the contents of my fridge:
-Half full gallon of milk
-6 assorted flavors of Activa yogurt (that's all they had at CVS)
-2 heels from a loaf of bread. That's right, just the heels.
-Peanut butter
-Honey
-Duncan Donuts coffee (but no working coffee maker)
-2 frozen entrees
This is my sustanance until next Wednesday. I'd buy more food but clearly that is not an option, so I guess I'll just be one hot skinny bitch.
On an unrelated note, I think I was just a vicitim of reverse prostitution (where someone takes your shit when you dont sleep with them). One of my friends that I accidentally hooked up with after a victorious game of frat boy bingo (read: a tuesday night characterized by extreme intoxication) and then refused to sleep with on multiple occasions (he is an ex-roommate of mine, my ex's best friend, and also a dude) sent me this series of text messages.
me: I'm an asshole for leaving without saying goodbye... i'll come visit you in houston??
him: maybe if you weren't gay
me: i know i'm pretty gay.
him: yea you suck
me: thanks
him: you are shitty
him: thanks for the office.
me: oh ya i want that back.
him: no
me: you can't just keep it
him: it's mine
me: how do you figure?
him: ur gay
him: die
Ladies, let this be a lesson, if you keep your morals in tact, no one will like you and they will steal all of your seasons of you favorite mockumentary.
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